Mistakes; A Ray of Hope

Many times, I call up my best friends and tell them, “I screwed up!”. Not many times, but almost every time. Then I break into the full detail of what happened and what I did and what I should have done, all the more drowning into the guilt of doing the things I did and what I should have actually done. My best friends, bless their souls, are these amazing creatures who never judge me or leave me, even if they warned me about the possibility of that particular outcome. They listen to the whole story, scold me a lot, try to reason out with me and then say “Don’t you worry! Everything will be alright.”

Sometimes, I wonder why they are so nice and tolerant towards me? Why, even if the mistake is similar to committing a murder, they never abandon me. Either they are exceptionally good at handling the ruined beans of my life or they have accepted the fact that nothing in my life can ever go according to the plan.

Or maybe, just maybe, they know and understand that i am not being a trouble maker, I am just a human. Humans tend to make absurd mistakes all the time. They screw up, they hurt other people, sometimes consciously and sometimes, unconsciously. In just 21 years of my life I have made such big mistakes that I never thought i will make it this far. There were times when I couldn’t take it, when i just wanted to run away, far from all the negatives, but somehow I made it till here and now I know that no matter how big of a mistake it is, except  breaking a law, I will survive.

It’s not about survival of the fittest, its about how strong you are when the whole world is coming down. It’s about being strong when you have got your back against the wall. Its about holding on and having the hope. And having friends who look past all your ‘human stuff’ and see the person you are underneath, just make the whole process of letting go and moving on easier, if not quicker.

You make mistakes. You screw up, big time. You are only human. Sometimes, the right and the wrong things are so interconnected that it is difficult for you to make a choice. Sometimes, your actions can save a life, while destroying your own. And sometimes, you lose to your heart when its battling with your brain. Sometimes, you take a step in a haste and realize it only later that you missed the opportunity of achieving the thing you wanted the most.

But what I have learned, after all these years, is that, if the mistakes are a result of your, well, extra possessive nature and not because you wanted to hurt someone deliberately, if these wrongs you committed are because you were so stucked  in a situation that you couldn’t do the right thing, then it will be okay in the end. Time will make it bearable. These mistakes are like scars and wounds, either they will fade away or they will heal. But they will stop hurting you eventually.

I have heard it many times that life is about making mistakes. Not because we learn a lesson from them, but because they teach us to be strong and to go on, no matter what. Because everything in our lives happen for a reason, especially the bad ones.

I Believe

I believe in love and believe that love conquers all.

When life gets you down, when people hurt you, I’ve always reminded myself with these two simple yet powerful things :

  1. Everything happens for a reason, especially the bad ones.
  2. Everything will be okay in the end.

With these two things in my heart, mind and soul, I walk forward and i move past the heartbreaks and the betrayal. People tend to lose their hope after a bad incident. The truth is, each one of us has suffered through something so painful that it broke us in the worst way possible. I have been through that too. But against all odds and against all the obstacles, I still believe in good and I still hope. One day, these hardships will seem like an important part of a process, they will be worth in the end.

This world is full of bad, selfish and fake people. You never know who is disguised as a sheep. Then why do we get close to someone at the first place?

Because we are human and it’s in our nature. We crave for love, acceptance and companionship. We give in our 100% and expect the same from the other person. Not realizing that we not receive what we give. And we don’t, most of the times.

But sometimes, just sometimes, we do get back what we’re hoping for.

You maybe broken, you maybe scarred but you will not be left empty handed. It is God who took something from you, it is God who will replace that with something better. Just wait and breathe.

This is my favorite excerpt from One Tree Hill;

“You never know where the next miracle will come from, the next smile. Place a wish in your heart, do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. Believe that dreams come true everyday, because they do!This world is full of magic. All you’ve gotta do is believe in it. With all your heart.”

So believe, even if there is nothing to believe in. Because better days are coming your way. Just breathe and have faith. It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.

Ideology and Relevance Of Marriage in 21st Century

Last  year, an advertisement titled ‘I Am Not A Kitchen Appliance’ by Havells rose to popularity because of the difference it showed in the ideologies of two different generations. A women in her 50s is searching for the ‘perfect bride’ for her son who lives in America. When asked why she wanted her son to be married, by a girl’s parents, her reply contained, “Even for a cup of coffee he has to step out.”.  The prospective bride got up from her seat and handed her a coffee maker with a polite remark, “I am not a kitchen appliance.”

The reason it got famous? Well, marriage is the most common thing in this world. This ritual is a part of every community, religion, caste etc. The method of conduct may be different but the result is same. The couple has the freedom to indulge in sexual activities and they can have ‘legal’ children. In fact, that is how marriage is defined mostly. It is not defined in terms of love, earlier, marriage used to be anything but love. It was considered to be a taboo if a girl remained unmarried beyond a certain age, so much that the practice of child marriage rose up. There were fixed gender roles, the wife was the submissive one who looked after the house and the family and the husband was the dominant one, earning the bread and doing the ‘respectable’ work. Huge sums of money were given as dowry to the groom because he was generous enough to marry a girl and ease the burden on her parents’ shoulder. Birth of a girl was accompanied by remorse whereas the birth of a boy was celebrated as a festival. Domestic violence and marital rape were a common practice. The wife was supposed to remain inside the vicinity of her marital home, no matter the hardships she faced there.

Marriages were not influenced by love or individual desire but by the choice of the parents, the societal norms, the caste system and so on. Basically, the whole institution revolved around forcing two strangers to live their whole lives together.

But this system was hit by the wave of feminism. Women demanded equal rights in all aspects. They were educated and capable of working in the man’s world. These changes, however, were discouraged by the patriarchal society, who considered it a sin if their daughters, sister and daughter in-laws worked out of the house. It was only after the second world war that the lines defining the gender roles were moved. Women worked outside while the men were at the battle grounds and decided to never to put down themselves as just ‘house wives’.

Education and the technology opened the minds of many and people began to perceive the concept of marriage differently. It was not a mere ritual to perform,but something to provide an individual with emotional stability. The new generation preferred to spend their lives with someone they knew, rather than some stranger. Meeting of minds, an understanding level, spiritual connectivity, similar interests etc. found their way amongst the description of a ‘perfect match’.

The ideology changed. Individual desire took power over parental choice. The State banned practices such as dowry and domestic violence, which further increased the relevance of marriage.

Now, marriage is not  something to be done under societal pressure. It’s not to be conducted because a person has reached a certain age or because that person is living alone. Marriage should not be taken lightly and judged on the basis of caste, color, dowry etc. It is a relationship in which there is no way out without consequences. Instead of pushing two strangers together, time and space should be given to let both the genders decide their own partners.  It’s not only a wife’s duty to look after the house or a husband’s duty to provide for the family. How about dividing the work equally? The level of mental, social and emotional connection defines the strength of a relationship, hence, this level is a must in marriage, which can’t be expected to develop between two strangers instantly.  A marriage is relevant only when there is love and understand.

Though these changes are not everywhere in this world, a major part of the new generation prefers to wait for a person who can understand them, rather than giving in to the societal demands and hurrying into this process of life. Marriage is also associated with the term settled. How many times has a relative told you that you should get settled? This generation just doesn’t want to get married to get settled. It prefers at becoming something before taking the responsibility of another person. It prefers to be ready to be someone else beyond their existing identity before saying ‘I do’.

In my opinion, we all relate to the theory that a husband is not an ATM machine and a wife is not just a kitchen appliance. It’s not a stage of life, but a process defining our lives.

Here’s To Hope

Starting a five-year law school with no friends at all was a difficult task. I was determined not to befriend anyone because of my past experiences. But it is said, what’s meant to happen will happen, eventually. And it turned out, I made some amazing friends and made some pretty amazing memories. I was amused, happy, shocked, confused and mostly grateful. From a 5 year torture my law school changed into a sweet ride, at-least for sometime!

The biggest thing I have learned in this life is that things change, they are not stable or permanent. Like everything else around us, life changes. Everyday, every week, month and year, we go through changes, small and big, which mold us into our present selves.

But I realized that everyone around me was broken, in their own ways. And everyone hides the broken parts. Some does so by being mean and resentful towards others, and some by being alone and protecting themselves from further damage, the way I chose. But it is not a wise thing to do. Loneliness is never the option. Maybe for a small period of time,but not always.

I think, what kills us the most is the wait. That is what breaks our hearts and weakens our core. The silent wait and the lost hope.

I am a firm believer of the quote “Everything happens for a reason. Especially the bad ones.”. For me, this is a fact. Not because I’ve heard it, but because I’ve experienced it. Many times. And I’ve also learned that if we lose someone, then that only mans that the void will be filled by someone better, sooner or later.

As Karen Roe quoted in One Tree Hill, “In life, you can always come up with reasons to give up. But if don’t, you might find love in places you never imagined.”

So this what we should do, NEVER LOSE HOPE! No one knows when and where and how their lives will change. Nothing is permanent. All you can do is trust in God, believe in Him and never let the hope of a better future die within you.

After all, hope is what sails us through our darkest times!

The Lost Humanity

When a child is born, great expectations are attached to his birth. The parents wish for him to be successful, to be good to them, to be an obedient child. But isn’t it our duty to provide that child with basic human conditions to live? Isn’t it our duty to let him pursue his happiness instead of imposing our own terms and conditions?

With the advancement of technology one would expect this world to be better. But the truth is, where on one hand, science and technology is developing, our humanity has gone way too down on the other hand. It has become difficult to pass one day without hearing a news of rape or murder or robbery. Instead of helping one another, we are trying to harm each other in every way possible.

On Wednesday, the body of a three year old Syrian boy washed ashore in Turkey. This incident, just like many of its predecessors, shocked the whole world. The social media was full of condolences and hatred. People blamed the growing conflicts which resulted in this incident.

But are these people solely responsible for all this terror and violence? Aren’t we liable for this as well?

From the birth, a child grows in a particular society. He is brought up with a set values of values and morals. We teach the child that we are above all, our religion is above all, our skin color is above all and all the other people surrounding us are inferior. We ask him to respect or culture and shun the others. The child is nurtured in such a way that he becomes just like his successors. Boys are taught how they are above girls, that it is okay for a girl to not to study but not for a boy.

Aren’t we all responsible for such inhuman conditions?

Why don’t we teach our younger ones to be kind and sympathetic. why don’t we teach them to always help others and consider all the other living beings as equal, no matter their religion or caste or race. Why only humans? Aren’t animals our equal?

Is terrorism only done with weapons? Isn’t bullying someone a form of it? Making fun of someone on the basis of their physical appearances, is that good? What about creating conditions for a female to not to feel safe?

To think of it, all we do is divide ourselves with these fictional concepts of race, religion, country etc. And while doing this, we forget our first and foremost quality of being human. Life was meant to be easy. We were meant to be together and not to be divided among ourselves.

A child is always happy. Why? because he doesn’t care about the material possessions of the world. He is always kind, for he doesn’t care about the religion of the person standing before him. But as he grow, his innocence is killed by the toxicity of this world.

So why don’t we start at the smaller level? Why don’t we start with us and make this world a better place to live in?

Hello world!

If something comes to you naturally, without any effort, is that you talent? Or is it just some inkling, an instinct, which comes from somewhere deep inside you? When I want to put my thoughts to paper, all I have to do is just pick up a pen and write. Everything that happens after that is pure magic. The words flow into my mind effortlessly and without a pause I create a small miracle. A miracle, because I know that when I will look at it ten years from now, I will be able to relate to it just like I do now. This miracle consists of my feelings, my views, my thoughts and all other things, whether or not they make sense to me.

So here I am, sharing my miracles with you.